Animalarkey

The Buzzard

2012-01-29T04:02:00.000-08:00

The buzzard is seldom abashed
To dine on what's flattened or smashed;
Highway flotsam and jetsam
Is really what gets him;
He'll eat skunk, if it's properly mashed.

Maybe they kept perching on his lawn

2011-05-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

In Sweden, an anteater at a zoo broke into the flamingo compound and murdered ten flamingoes.

The sly and artful aardvark
Is something of a card shark.
At games of chance
He’ll take your pants;
So take this warning in advance:
He always antes sixteen ants.

March comes in like a lion...

2011-03-07T08:02:00.000-08:00

The lion prowls the Serengeti,
Shredding prey like cheap confetti.
At risk of sounding rude, or petty,
I’d rather run across a yeti.

Cell phones driving you batty?

2011-03-04T09:30:00.000-08:00

Batgirl lives!
A British teenager who assumed that tremors in her bosom were caused by her vibrating mobile phone found a baby bat nestling in the padding of her 34FF bra. (From Harper's Weekly)

In other news relating to bats:
The World Health Organization warned people not to go into Ugandan bat caves after a Dutch tourist died from the Marburg virus, a hemorrhagic fever similar to Ebola. (From Harper's Weekly)

We assume the Bat cave in Gotham is OK.

The bat thrives on echolocation,
The same as the real-estate maven,
Whose mantra -- which rules her vocation --
She chants evermore, like Poe's raven.
"Location, location, location" --
Qouth the Realtor, evermore.

Yak? -- Yuk!

2011-03-01T08:14:00.000-08:00

I forget
If yaks live in Nepal or Ttibet;
It's someplace horrid up there --
I don't care.

Is there a dining car?

2011-02-21T10:55:00.000-08:00

The ticket man wished to know
Of the crow
If she'd be checking
The baggage she was pecking.
"Oh, no,"
Said the crow
(Whose name was Marian),
"It's carrion."

Don't let it get your goose

2011-02-14T09:32:00.000-08:00

When a goose starts to cackle,
If a shout doesn't stop it, a smack'll.

The Warthog

2011-02-12T05:14:00.000-08:00

The warthog has an ugly snout,
And always wears a frightful pout.
He suffers from the ague, and gout,
From eating too much sauerkraut.

Gone over the hedge

2011-02-08T10:11:00.000-08:00

A New Zealand man threw a hedgehog at a 15-year-old boy.

"He was arrested shortly afterwards for assault with a weapon," said Sergeant Bruce Jenkins of the Whakatane police. "Namely the hedgehog." (from Harper's Weekly)

Hedgehogs can be thoughtless blokes:
They'll spit, and curse, and tell rude jokes;
They'll take the largest pizza wedge,
And then at night, they'll hog the hedge!

A hyenous crime

2011-02-07T09:07:00.000-08:00

A hungry hyena
Ate my Aunt Edwina.
I was terribly sad --
She was all that I had,
Save for Uncle Egbert,
Whom it had for dessert.

Ho-hum on the range

2011-02-02T05:13:00.000-08:00

Cattle stand in stillness udder;
Mortal thoughts ne'er cause a shudder.
Seldom do they quake or cow-er
Brooding on their final hour.
Would they beef more, were it known
They'll end up filet mignon?

The Love Boat

2011-01-29T05:15:00.000-08:00

(From AP reports):

Petra the black swan has been reunited with her beloved swan-shaped paddleboat after a failed romance with a real bird.

Officials at a Muenster (Germany) zoo where Petra has been spending the winter took her to a nearby lake and released her next to the paddleboat — shaped like a giant white swan.

Petra became so attached to the boat back in 2006 that she refused to leave its side. When winter came around, she and the boat were taken into the zoo.

In recent months, Petra had struck up a relationship with a real white swan. However, he abandoned her last weekend — and officials decided to reunite her with the boat, which was returned to its owner only last week.

Zoo director Joerg Adler said it was too early to tell whether Petra will stay with the boat this time.

The Gopher

2011-01-26T03:16:00.000-08:00

The gopher deals in real estate,
Dabbling here and there;
His take-home earnings aren't too great,
His prospects, only fair.
He'll work his little patch of land
Until the day he'll croak;
His life is placid, boring, bland --
He'll never gopher broke!

The Camel

2011-01-24T10:06:00.000-08:00

O'er parched plain the camel schlumps,
With baggage heaped upon its humps.
Should rain turn sands to seas of mud,
You couldn't go, but camels cud.

Very funny, bunny

2011-01-22T02:53:00.000-08:00

Regarding our habit
Of venerating a rabbit
Which at Easter brings eggs --
Is someone pulling our legs?

The Armadillo

2011-01-20T12:39:00.000-08:00

In some Southern states, such as Texas,
You'll find armadillos with X's,
And such similar marks,
Along streets, and in parks--
Tire tracks on the old solar plexus.

How do I look, dear?

2011-01-19T06:03:00.000-08:00

Concerned about ever-fatter animals, zookeepers across the U.S. are initiating diet programs for their charges, putting gorillas on a Weight
Watchers-based point system and offering polar bears sugar-free Jell-O. (Reported in Harper’s magazine.)

The Groundhog

2011-01-17T09:17:00.000-08:00

Hail to thee, O noble groundhog!
Valiant, staunch, serene, profoundhog!
-- You and your shadow mumbus-jumbus
Are quite as famous as Columbus!

The tusk before us

2010-11-07T10:02:00.000-08:00

National Geographic's Great Migrations series starts tonight!

The walrus goes to bed at ten;

That’s very late, I know, but then,
He’s usually ready right at dusk,
But has to brush and floss his tusk.

What a crock

2010-07-20T11:38:00.000-07:00

Customs officials estimated that Paris's Charles de Gaulle airport annually receives some 300 pounds of illegal bushmeat, including the long-tailed pangolin, the giant pangolin, the Nile crocodile and the slender-snouted crocodile.

Beware the crafty crocodile,
Who lurks in mud, and marsh, and bog.
When swimming in the river Nile,
Don’t climb on any leering log!

23 Squidoo

2010-07-17T08:56:00.000-07:00

A gonate squid, native to the North Pacific, was captured in the South Atlantic, 9,300 miles from home.

God
Forbid
A squad
Of squid
Should squat
Square
In your hair,
And squeeze
Your head
Till you’re red.

A squalid
Thought—
That squid
Should squat
In your
Coiffure!
To hurt you
Or squirt you
With ink.

I think
I’d squawk
At the shock.
I’d squirm
Like a worm!
I’d squeak –
I couldn’t speak!

It may be extremish,
But I’m squeamish.

Tonight we've got a really small shrew

2010-07-13T08:43:00.000-07:00

In England, a rare shrew that stowed away on a ferry to Penzance was repatriated to the Isles of Scilly.

The pygmy shrew is the tiniest mammal in all of the land
Easily able to gambol and dance in the palm of your hand,
A cute, sprightly fellow, spunky, and so full of verve --
An excellent choice when selecting your python’s hors d’oeuvre.

Buzzing thoughts

2010-07-10T09:41:00.000-07:00

Today is Don't Step on a Bee Day.

Don't step on a bee --
You'll get a honey of a welt.
Here's a question from me:

What bee ever spelt?

It's True as Scampi

2010-07-07T08:40:00.000-07:00

Scientists in Austrlia say they have bred the perfect prawn.

Shrimps who are jumbo
Will wind up in gumbo,
In a cocktail or sandwich, or for sure a
Tempura.

Only shrimps who are shrimpish --
Malnourished or wimpish --
Can escape being made into delicious
Dishes.

They hate mooses, in deuces

2010-07-04T11:51:00.000-07:00

Connie Everitt of Kitimat, near Vancouver, hit and killed a moose while driving to the hospital to visit her sister Studley, who was seriously injured when she hit and killed a pregnant moose last month.

"My first thought was, 'Are the moose going out [on a] hunting season for my family?'" she said. "So far, we win three because we got three of them dead."

She should have just said:

Vamoose,
Damoose.

Whale of a question

2010-07-01T07:04:00.000-07:00

Working as a guide for a telephone texting service. Yesterday's oddest question: Would you get hurt if a whale peed on you?

The whale is the beast most enormous --
A mammal, our textbooks inform us;
With lungs and a spout,
To breathe in and blow out --
Whose blubber makes candles to warm us.

Dog Day in Pegram

2010-06-26T09:25:00.000-07:00

Mario shows off his Great Pyrenees, Bear

Pug Gracie with owner Judy

Niles, the Bull Terrier, came to the show with Posh, a German Short-haired Pointer

Bill, an English Mastiff, with Beth

Mr. Dukie Pickles and Kim

Maybe he'll bite your boss's leg

2010-06-25T08:02:00.000-07:00

Today is National Take Your Dog To Work Day.

Though we often mistreat our poor dogs, on the other hand they are just as often treated like royalty

For their loyalty.

But as for myself, when I stop to consider that the dog is loyal, not to other dogs especially, but to persons,

My opinion worsens.

They have tractors, remember

2010-06-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

The New York Times reported that some caterpillars mimic snakes to elude predators.

When some folks spy a caterpillar,
They shout out "Stomp her flatter! Kill 'er!"
Which some may do, but never I --
Some day she'll be a butterfly.

Bald, but very hairy

2010-06-20T12:36:00.000-07:00

Today is American Eagle Day!

O, eagle, perched so high in your aery --
Isn't it scaery?

Advice to bird hunters:

Don't shoot an eagle --
It isn't leagle!
Why not a seagle?

Bassettude

2010-06-19T08:03:00.000-07:00

A new bassett hound in the neighborhood -- saw his owner walking him today.

No matter how downcast the mien of its master,
The bassett's appears to be always downcaster.

Animal News

2010-06-17T12:27:00.000-07:00

Geneticists were developing bugs that eat woodchips and excrete petroleum...

Rats, it was discovered, are more likely to cannibalize their young if their cages are clean...

Giant iguanas continued their conquest of South Florida, surrounding Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commissioner Bob Kanjian at a golf course in Lake Worth. "I had 25 to 30 iguanas," he said, "staring at me while I was playing."

(From Harper's Weekly)

Presenting a lemurick

2010-06-14T14:40:00.000-07:00

The New Yorker magazine had a short piece a while back about Bill James, the famous baseball historian, sighting what he insists was a lemur in a neighborhood of Boston near Fenway Park.

The lemur hails from Madagascar,
A place as strange and remote to me
As NASCAR.
To run across, in your own back yard, a lemur
Would feel like a kick
In the femur.

Maybe the tuatara had a thread snake in his pants

2010-06-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

In New Zealand a 111-year-old tuatara reptile, a remnant from the age of dinosaurs, impregnated his partner for the first time in decades. The lizard-like creature,
who now has three consorts, regained his interest in sex after zoologists removed a cancerous growth from his genitals.

A U.S. biologist in Barbados claimed to have discovered the world's smallest snake, which, at less than 4 inches long, may be the smallest that snakes can possibly be. Barbadians insisted that they already knew about the animal, which they call a "thread snake."

(-From Harper's Weekly)

Even at an age extremely ripe,
This rascal has no room to gripe:
The scientists having restored his sperma
Tazoa, he's once again tuatara firma.

Pachyderm peccadilloes

2010-06-11T10:37:00.000-07:00

(From Harper's Weekly):

Scientists found that elephants can do basic math.

In an unrelated story, an elephant in Portland, Oregon, named Rose-Tu (anagram of ouster) gave birth to a 286-pound calf and immediately began to kick it. (Maybe it refused to learn its multiplication tables.)

Among other dumb stunts,
Elephants
Will stampede,
With no heed
For decorum,
Or a quorum.
You'll see parties of eight
Congregate,
And two take a notion
To swing into motion,
For the sake of some kicks;
So the leftover six --
To escape jeers and laughter --
Must tag along after,
With no special pleasure.
From simple peer pressure.

Udderly silly

2010-06-09T09:43:00.000-07:00

Cows communing one-on-one in a meadow: Having a teat-a-teat?

How the Goonch stole swimming

2010-06-08T04:31:00.000-07:00

"Bathers along India's Great Kali River were being eaten by giant goonches." (Harper's Weekly, Oct. 14)

When bathing in the Ganges,
Watch out for your phalanges!
Should the insatiable goonch
Go cruunch,
Instead of hallowed,
You could be swallowed.

June is Turkey Lovers' Month!

2010-06-07T01:41:00.000-07:00

Why is the turkey
So quirky?

She should be thrilled
Not to filled

With dressing --
Count it a blessing

To be among the living
On Thanksgiving.

The firefly

2010-06-04T08:12:00.000-07:00

The firefly illumines
To entertain humans.

A Determination About Extermination

2010-05-28T05:32:00.000-07:00

"Gough, an island in the South Pacific, was overrun by gangs of gigantic mice that attack and eat baby albatrosses; bird conservation groups planned to airdrop tons of poison onto the island." (From Harper's Weekly.)

Whether to use lettuce or cheese,
When trapping rats, mice, and such vermin?
You'll make your decision with ease,
Once you sit down and determine
How much you should fatten them
Before you flatten them.

Fly, away

2010-05-20T10:41:00.000-07:00

"Billions of hairy, reddish-brown 'crazy Rasberry ants' (named for a local exterminator) were swarming through the greater Houston area. 'They have nowhere to go, just running crazy wild,' said one resident. 'You know what it's like to sit down on the commode with crazy ants running everywhere?'"

(From Harper's Weekly)

We don't mind ants, especially; what bugs us is this:

Why
The fly?

Is this pest
A jest?

So ubiquitous!
It's iniquitous!

So numerous!
It's not humorous!

Millions!
Billions!
Octillions!

Or more.

What for?

They don't let sleeping goats lie

2010-05-17T07:59:00.000-07:00

Having owned a number of goats for many years, when Jon Dorman and Della Williams contemplated a change of careers, they determined not to let sleeping goats lie. Their goats had been kept as pets; it wasn’t that it was getting their goats that the animals weren’t pulling their weight, or anything like that – they simply decided that they could be making more use of their talents.
Can you say cheese?
Williams and Dorman are both board-certified neurologists who returned five years ago this spring from a long and happy practice in Dubai. They went to work building their small herd of Oberhasli goats, and a year later they obtained a farmstead cheese license from the state and started selling fresh goat’s cheese locally at farmers’ markets in Danville, Virginia (six miles from their farm) and Hillsborough, near Greensboro (about 35 miles south).
Today the herd of goats, mostly Oberhasli, numbers over 50 and grows by ten or so every year, on the 160 undulating acres of SleepyGoat Farm in Pelham. A variety of cheeses is sold online and at markets across the region, including the Wake Forest Farmer’s Market.
The farm was, until 1989, a working tobacco farm. Della and Jon bought it that year, snuffed out the growing of tobacco and bought their first goat, Ethel, a French Alpine. Without company of her kind Ethel bonded with her owners to the point that it was almost impossible to leave her alone. She learned to open the back door and barge in; she recognized her owners’ voices on the telephone. She was joined within six months by Liza (why not Lucy?), who still survives as grande dame of SleepyGoat, although with arthritic knees. (Ethel died in 1994.)
A few years later they bought two Oberhasli milk goats, and with the help of some bucks – “Billy” goats – the does begat the beginnings of a milking herd, or flock. When the docs returned after a decade in Dubai, they purchased two premium goats (of Swiss stock) from California, Thun and Sonja, who weathered the 18-hour cross-country trip none the worse for wear – in fact, Thun took straight to the task at hand and impregnated 10 of 11 goats within the first 10 days of his arrival.

By the end of the following April, 22 kids had arrived, all named after Harry Potter characters. After two months of feeding the kids their mother's milk, the cheese making began.
Cheeses produced at the farm have been dubbed Degas, Cezanne, Picasso, Rousseau, Cassatt, Alexander the Feta, and Goat Blue. The operations proceed with the help of retirees who work several hours a day, from one to four workers daily, at feeding, watering and cleaning the barn. Bucks are kept in one field and doelings in another, until mating season is over. (Doelings aren't mated until their second year.) Does are mated in the fall and start delivering about January. From January until the following fall, milking, pasteurizing, feeding and being there to help with deliveries keeps the crew busy, sometimes 14 to16 hours a day, especially during the two-month period when the babies are straggling into life.
Visitors are welcome at the farm, and the main attraction, the goats, love people, especially when they get raw peanuts, which are kept on hand. (And early in the season there is often a baby goat or two running around looking for attention.) Cheese is made on the days of open houses (second Sunday of every month May through August, 2-5 p.m.). Vacation rentals are available, with accommodations in a rustic cabin (but with all the modern conveniences) with a deck and a view, at a mere $100 a night. If you want to learn how to make cheese and find out everything about goats you’ll ever need to know, there is an extra $50-per-day fee.
If the goats are sleepy, it’s because there’s always something going on at the farm. You can just watch, or take part by feeding and milking the goats and making cheese. There are other fascinating sites to see within a goat’s cry of the farm. So take a trip to the farm – they’ll toast your arrival with a warm glass of goat’s milk.

SleepyGoat Farm is at 7215 Allison Road in Pelham (just south of the Virginia/NC border). Call 336-388-0703. Visit www.sleepygoatfarm.com, where you’ll find pictures of the farm and the goats, descriptions of the cheeses and an online store, among other information.

He made beauty out of beasts

2010-05-08T13:17:00.000-07:00

Animation pioneer Bob Clampett was born on this day in 1913. He died May 4, 1984.

In his teens, Clampett designed the first Mickey Mouse doll for Walt Disney. Shortly thereafter, Clampett went to work at the Harman-Ising studio and animated scenes for the first Merrie Melodie made, “Lady Play Your Mandolin.” In 1935, when the studio was still looking for a star, Producer Leon Schlesinger suggested a cartoon version of Our Gang. Taking the reins, Clampett designed a fat little pig named Porky and a black cat named Beans for Friz Freleng’s cartoon “I Haven’t Got a Hat”. Although Beans got top billing, Porky was a hit, and subsequently became Warner Bros. first cartoon star.

That same year, Clampett became an animator and key gagman for new director Tex Avery. Their work space was called Termite Terrace, which was named because of the termites that could be heard chewing the building’s woodwork. Avery and Clampett’s collaboration created a wild and irreverent style of animation never before seen in animation. Soon, this type of animation came to be known as “the Warner style.”

Under the guise of this style, Avery and Clampett developed Daffy Duck in his premier cartoon, “Porky’s Duck Hunt”. But it would be later that both men contributed to the creation of Warner Bros. biggest star, Bugs Bunny.

Clampett gave us such cartoon classics such as “Porky In Wackyland,” (1938), “Corny Concerto,” “Coal Black and De Sebben Dwarfs. (1943), and “The Great Piggy Bank Robbery” (1946). He also introduced new characters to the Warner Bros. stable, including Beaky Buzzard from “Bugs Gets the Boid,” and Tweety, whose first appearance was in “Tale of Two Kitties.”

Clampett left Warner Bros. in 1946 to open his own studio. He created a live daily puppet show, featuring a sea serpent named Cecil, and the serpent’s propeller-and-hat-topped pal, Beany. “Time for Beany” earned Clampett three Emmy awards for best Children’s program.

In 1961, Beany and Cecil debuted on ABC with their own animated show, which ran five years straight on the network. The show was produced by Bob’s wife Sody, who continues to run his business today. Sketches from their home were used to create backgrounds for episodes, and Bob’s son Bob Jr. and daughter Ruth did voices for the series, truly making it a family affair. “Beany and Cecil” can still be seen worldwide to this day.

During the last part of his life, Bob lectured at colleges on the history of animation and made appearances at museum events and conventions. In addition to pioneering many filmmaking techniques that are used in current animation, Clampett remains a real animation fan’s director.

(From Animationusa.com)

Ode to the termites of Termite Terrace:

The termite's a guest who is boring --
Through bedpost and chair leg she plows;
Through rooftops, through frames and through flooring,
Through boathouse, through docks -- through ships' bows!
Through lumber, through logs, boards and planks.
Wood you host a termite? --No, thanks.

Modest Ness

2010-05-02T10:16:00.000-07:00

On May 2, 1933, the Inverness Courier ran an account of a local couple who claimed to have seen "an enormous animal rolling and plunging on the surface" of Loch Ness in Scotland.

The story of the "monster" (a moniker chosen by the Courier's editor) became a media phenomenon, with London newspapers sending correspondents to Scotland and a circus offering a 20,000 pound sterling reward for capture of the beast.

Deep within Loch Ness's murk
Monster quite grotesque may lurk;
Partly devil, partly eel,
Stealthy serpent, so surreal! --
Brooding in your cave or lair,
Tell us truly: Are you real?
If you are, why don't you show?
Papparazzi want to know.
Could be that the problem's that
Cameras make you look too fat.

Very funny, bunny (part 2)

2010-04-29T10:25:00.000-07:00

“Eight years ago the smallest rabbits in North America were nearly extinct in Washington State. While pygmy rabbits live in several western states, the population in the Columbia River Basin has been isolated for thousands of years and is on the endangered species list. As the rabbits’ sagebrush steppe habitat was converted to agriculture, their numbers fell; in 2001, fewer than 30 were known to live in the state. Biologists trapped 16 rabbits and began a captive-breeding program.

"But the one-pound pygmies couldn’t make healthy babies, so Idaho relatives were imported to broaden the gene pool. Today about 80 live in captivity. On March 13, 2007, scientists released 20 rabbits, which scampered into drainage pipes…by September, predators had eaten all but one.

"Biologists are thinking of ways to make a second release go better; for example, placing the rabbits in a fenced-off area or even getting rid of some of those wily coyotes.”

(From National Geographic, Jan. 2008.)

The rabbit
Has the habit
Of exceeding
In breeding.

We're not as bad as Coontucky

2010-04-15T10:00:00.000-07:00

(Nashville, TN) The annual Coon Supper will be held this Thursday, a gala put on by state House Speaker Jimmy Naifeh at Covington Country Club for the state's legislators. The sponsor is Jack Daniel's Distillery.

You might have to be pretty drunk to eat 'coon yourself, but it's a delicacy here in Tennessee. Maybe you heard that several years ago, one of those legislators proposed a bill to make eating roadkill legal.

The raccoon wears a mask --
And just why? you might ask.
It's highly suspicious --
It looks surreptitious.
Could the 'coon be enmeshed in
Operations clandestine?
Or, though it sounds stranger,
Could he be a lone ranger?
With his mask and his claw
On the side of the law?